RL stuff

[suki_blue]

L came back to work today. Can we say tense?

After I gave her the letter that completely broke her and ultimitely got her in trouble at work, she was told to go sort herself out. She's just spent 5 weeks at the Priory, detoxing and cleaning up.

The first couple of hours were just awful. It was like a predator circling it's prey. I'm not sure which one of us was the prey. We were both very much on guard.

But then I decided the be the bigger person/mug and talk to her first. It took three attempts before she finally spoke back to me.

And then? Oh, it's all back to normal - all huggy and squishy and 'I missed you' blah, blah.

My manager said that she'd changed. But just going by my witnessing her calling the postroom guy a loser as he walked away...well, that's good old L. She hasn't changed a fucking bit.

I feel like I'm being dragged back. Fuck, I need my Bigballs! I wish she'd been there today.

I'm not strong enough for this. I can't do it! I just want her gone; out of my life. I'm starting to really hate her.

I don't know what to do. I'm having lunch with her on Wednesday. I want to tell her that our friendship stays in the office and goes no further. I don't know if I have the strength to do it.

And although she's all huggy and clingy, every so often, just out of the corner of my eye, I saw her looking at me funny. I'm not sure what that's about. It might be just that neither of us are entirely sure how to take the other yet.

Shit, she'll blow a gasket when she finds out that I changed my number.

So, anyway, she's says she's cleaned up and realised the error of her ways. But let me just say, it's not exactly the first time she's said that. Herbal Tea my arse; she was still binging on fucking vodka and wine and fuck knows how much valium!

The simple fact is, changed or no change, I'm. Not. Interested. I want to be left alone in my own little world with my friends that are true.

I want to be able to say to say no. That's something that both me and BB need to work on - as was kindly pointed out by someone who is more perceptive than he looks.

Cluck, cluck.

Comments

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Don't worry. it'll be in a public place, like a local cafe or something. Lots and lots of people.

I like what you said. I want to say that. I'm going to try. It's just so hard.

Thanks, luv

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Use it by all means! I hope it helps! Take mace or something with you luv, or else I'll worry.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

We don't have mace!

I really don't think she's going to get violent with me; abusive, yes, but not violent. Besides, I'm ten years younger and haven't ever been a drug addict/alchoholic/bulemic. I wonder which one of us would win in fight? I think it might be me.

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Y'all don't have mace? Bummer. You could have spritzed her with it just for fun.

Still I hope it goes okay for you. I'll worry till I hear from you.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Just for fun? LOL! I'm sure hairspray would have the desired effect. ~g~

I'll email you as soon as I can and let you know what happens. Shit, I'm not looking forward to this.

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Hee! True.

Is it tomorrow you're meeting her or today? I can't remember.

I'll be back in a bit luv, I gotta do some things in the other room.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Tomorrow at about 1.00pm my time.

'Kay! Enjoy...doing things! Hee!

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, I've enjoyed scrubbing out the bathtub. It just makes me feel so damn good! LOL

MWAH! LURVE YA! I'll...try to be awake by 8:30 if you need me tomorrow.