RL stuff

[suki_blue]

L came back to work today. Can we say tense?

After I gave her the letter that completely broke her and ultimitely got her in trouble at work, she was told to go sort herself out. She's just spent 5 weeks at the Priory, detoxing and cleaning up.

The first couple of hours were just awful. It was like a predator circling it's prey. I'm not sure which one of us was the prey. We were both very much on guard.

But then I decided the be the bigger person/mug and talk to her first. It took three attempts before she finally spoke back to me.

And then? Oh, it's all back to normal - all huggy and squishy and 'I missed you' blah, blah.

My manager said that she'd changed. But just going by my witnessing her calling the postroom guy a loser as he walked away...well, that's good old L. She hasn't changed a fucking bit.

I feel like I'm being dragged back. Fuck, I need my Bigballs! I wish she'd been there today.

I'm not strong enough for this. I can't do it! I just want her gone; out of my life. I'm starting to really hate her.

I don't know what to do. I'm having lunch with her on Wednesday. I want to tell her that our friendship stays in the office and goes no further. I don't know if I have the strength to do it.

And although she's all huggy and clingy, every so often, just out of the corner of my eye, I saw her looking at me funny. I'm not sure what that's about. It might be just that neither of us are entirely sure how to take the other yet.

Shit, she'll blow a gasket when she finds out that I changed my number.

So, anyway, she's says she's cleaned up and realised the error of her ways. But let me just say, it's not exactly the first time she's said that. Herbal Tea my arse; she was still binging on fucking vodka and wine and fuck knows how much valium!

The simple fact is, changed or no change, I'm. Not. Interested. I want to be left alone in my own little world with my friends that are true.

I want to be able to say to say no. That's something that both me and BB need to work on - as was kindly pointed out by someone who is more perceptive than he looks.

Cluck, cluck.

Comments

[sweet-exile.livejournal.com]

Oh hon I'm sorry. I hoped that your friend had gone to clean up her act but no matter what the important thing is that you keep yourself safe.

I completely understand your need to learn to say no. I'm exactly the same I just want a quiet life. If you figure out how let me know.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Yep, i'll let you know!

She may have cleaned up, maybe. But is she lying? Or of she isn't how long will it last?

No is such a simple word. I'm going to practice it.

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

I wish I knew what to tell you luv. I'm sorry today was so crappy. Just tell her straight out, someplace public so she can't make too big of a scene or if she does she'll get caught at it.

"I want to have a good working relationship with you and be friends from the time we clock in. When I clock out, you're on your own and if you continue to bother me I'll take action."

I don't know if you can get a restraining order, but do it if you have to.

Be careful luv. I hate the thought of you going to lunch with her along.

HUGGLES!

ps. I'll answer your email in a bit.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Don't worry. it'll be in a public place, like a local cafe or something. Lots and lots of people.

I like what you said. I want to say that. I'm going to try. It's just so hard.

Thanks, luv

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Use it by all means! I hope it helps! Take mace or something with you luv, or else I'll worry.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

We don't have mace!

I really don't think she's going to get violent with me; abusive, yes, but not violent. Besides, I'm ten years younger and haven't ever been a drug addict/alchoholic/bulemic. I wonder which one of us would win in fight? I think it might be me.

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Y'all don't have mace? Bummer. You could have spritzed her with it just for fun.

Still I hope it goes okay for you. I'll worry till I hear from you.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Just for fun? LOL! I'm sure hairspray would have the desired effect. ~g~

I'll email you as soon as I can and let you know what happens. Shit, I'm not looking forward to this.

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Hee! True.

Is it tomorrow you're meeting her or today? I can't remember.

I'll be back in a bit luv, I gotta do some things in the other room.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Tomorrow at about 1.00pm my time.

'Kay! Enjoy...doing things! Hee!

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, I've enjoyed scrubbing out the bathtub. It just makes me feel so damn good! LOL

MWAH! LURVE YA! I'll...try to be awake by 8:30 if you need me tomorrow.

[kmousie.livejournal.com]

I'm sending you big hugs, darlin'...you did the right thing back then, and you did the right thing today. I'm sending a whole lot of positive energy your way for Wednesday and beyond. "No" is sometimes the best response. And life's too short to waste energy on people who won't accept your love (or worse, want to hurt you!). *hugs*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

'No' is such a hard word to say. I will say it to her tomorrow at lunch. I have to. :o( don't wanna deal with this.

~hugs~

[kmousie.livejournal.com]

That's our Suki. :-)

:o( don't wanna deal with this.

I know...I'm sending you a lovely peroxidized vamp to help you feel better. ;-)

You know, I just realized my icon works on an interpersonal level as well as an international one. *hugs*

[tabaqui]

Yes!
Practice in the mirror. No, no, no, no. Don't be afraid of taking your life back, bay-bee.

*hugs you hard*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

That's a good idea. I really thing I might try that!!

~hugs you back very hard indeed~

[tabaqui]

AH ha!
Tell me if it works.
And?

Lurve your icon.
:)

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

I'll definitely let you know!

Thank you! I made the icon myslef. It was my first try at making rain! Feel free to snag if you want. ~hugs~

[tabaqui]

It's very cool. I love rain!
Heh.

[thedabara-cds.livejournal.com]

*big bearhugs*
I know how you feel, because I've been there with someone who sounds pretty similar. If the friendship has soured so much that you don't feel comfortable with her outside of work at all anymore, that is not your fault. Her own behavior is to blame for that. On top of practicing "no", remember that you have not done anything wrong here, and you have every right to choose your own friends.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

That's the thing, I keep thinking that I have been in the wrong and that i still am now, that I'm overreacting. And maybe I am. But it's still my choice, right? If I want to be a bitch then I can.

It's even uncomfortable inside the office now. I honestly think her 'sober' behavior has got worse.

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

The ideal thing would've been for her to seek employment elsewhere. But we don't live in an ideal world.

Don't get sucked back in. You've had some time away from her. Would Spike let Xander hang out with this chick? That's a big no. So, um, do what Spike would do. LOL

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Do what Spike would do? Rip out her throat? Huh. Okay, I'll try it! Thanks!!

She's meant to be on a 'no tolerance' behavior thing at work now. I see that she's crossed the line at least twice. But I know that nobody else will speek up. Seriously, I've got to get her out. It's the only way. She's such a nasty person and she makes people so uncomfortable. She only needs to slip up in front of a manager once. Hmmm...

Am I bitch? Yeah. But I'm beyond caring now.

[(Anonymous)]

You are most certainly not a bitch. And if you are, well then you're MY kinda bitch.

:)

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

You are most certainly not a bitch. And if you are, well then you're MY kinda bitch.

:)

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks! I'm your bitch? Kinky. LOL!

[authoressnebula.livejournal.com]

*hughug* So sorry sweetie; hope things go well between you two! (Or as well as they can...) I'm glad you're going strong though. ^_^

*gets out Suki pom-poms* ~_^

~Nebula

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. It's a temporary blip that will be solved tomorrow when I tell her straight how things are. Yes. Yes, indeed. Yes.

~hugs~

[saifai.livejournal.com]

I totally get you. More than you could know. Went through this with one of my friends. We danced around each other for years afterwards, but when it came down to it? She hadn't changed and I wasn't interested. I highly suspect she wasn't either, but didn't know what else to do.

Honestly, I know how hard it is to break ties. But truly, it's the best thing you can do to save yourselves both the heartache.

*hugs* I wish you the best of luck with future conversations.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

It's so hard. And especially because we work together. She sits 6 feet away from me.

I can see us doing that dance and I don't want to do it. I can't believe that after a month she's suddenly over 20 years of drug and alchohol addiction. Surely it can't be that easy! It makes me so wary.

And also, even if she is clean now, the fact is that she is a really nasty person. I'm not. It doesn't sit well when she calls people names and *knows* that they can hear her.

Thanks so much for sharing. It helps to know that I'm not alone.

[saifai.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Just be careful. I'm here with the hugs should you need them.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

~hugs~ I will. Thank you, hon. ~hugs again~

[taruma16.livejournal.com]

I won't say, you have to learn how to say NO because I'm not good at it either!
My former colleague and I were friends or I thought so. Then she became my superior and talked a lot about my other colloeagues and me to our boss, private things we told a friend. Now, she wants to spend free time with me, but I don't trust her anymore and don't want to. But I can't say NO either!!!

Sorry, for the little rant!! Just, I know how hard it is!!!

*big hugs and smooches*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

See?! It is hard. It's the hardest word ever.

Why is that? Such a simple word. I'm going to practice saying it tonight.

[reddwarf75.livejournal.com]

U can say no, I believe in u :) *hug*
Marie

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm gonna do it. I am. I can say no. ~takes a deep breath~

skeered.