(no subject)

[suki_blue]

I have a small piece of advice for you all:

Never tell lies. Even white ones can come back and sock you right in the face.

I was dishonest with a friend. I told her things were okay when they weren't and I led her to believe that our friendship was special when it wasn't. I did this so that I wouldn't hurt her.

But I couldn't stand it any longer. Something snapped and I finally had to tell her that i couldn't cope with our friendship any longer. She'll get the letter any second now.

And the reason that I didn't do it face to face?

I prefer to have all my bones unbroken, thank you. I just can't cope with a friend like that.

I can't cope with the drinking and the tension and the backstabbing and 'demon voices' in her head. She's crazy and she needs to be locked up and treated.

One day I'm positive that she'll kill someone. I don't want that someone to be me.

Selfish?

You bet.

Comments

[kitty-poker1.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Don't feel bad, hon. Sometimes friendships don't work out and I have no doubt you tried your very hardest to make it work because I know what a wonderful friend you are, but it wasn't to be.

She has problems and it's not your responsibility to fix those problems. Better to step away now, while you still can.

*more hugs*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweetie. It means so much to me that you understand how I feel.

I just couldn't go on with the lie anymore. It wasn't to be.

I know that she's read the letter now, so I've just got to wait for the fallout on Monday morning. Shit. I wish she didn't sit three feet away from me. I just know that she won't understand why I've said these things to her.

[writan-bur.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

~hugs back~ Thank you

[paradise4writin.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

~hugs~ I needed that.

[thedabara-cds.livejournal.com]

Judging purely from my own experience, Monday morning is gonna suck, but by Monday evening, you'll feel like a 300 pound weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

*hugs and dark chocolate*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

I think work is gonna suck for a good long while. I'm dreading it, really.

~hugs and politely snatches chocolate~ Thank you

[sweet-exile.livejournal.com]

I wish I had the right words to say but sometimes friendships just don't work out. Your heart was in the right place and you tried. Feel better soon luv.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I just hate to hurt people and I know I've hurt her badly. But I couldn't go on with it.

[orchid-slayer.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* That's not stupid, thats SMART! Your safety comes first.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

~hugs back~ My sanity was at real risk. I could feel myself starting to crack up.

[flufshepherd.livejournal.com]

That's not selfish at all. You did the right thing and no matter how strained Monday morning will be, it'll be worth it in the long run.

*hugs*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know it's gonna be hard for a while. But it was best in the long run. Just gotta get through next week.

[cornporngirl.livejournal.com]

*pets* it probably was for the best, friendships where you fear for your life are not usually good ones. Also, I am of the opinion that selfishness is not evil, infact it's unhealthy for an individual to be totally selfless and giving, in my experiance those who are tend to be loved by all but rather unhappy with them selves.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

It was just so hard giving all this support to her. She'd had a hard life - a terrible life, if the truth be known. But it's clear to me that she'll never heal. She just won't help herself.

I did my best and I was there for her when she had the breakdown. I can't keep up that level of support and reasurrance for ever. it was like a total nightmare.

I still feel to utterly shit about it, though. I feel evil.

[cornporngirl.livejournal.com]

Trust me honey, you're not evil, if you were evil you wouldn't care at all. Sometimes you can only do so much and then it's up to the other person to help themselves from there on out, it hurts to realize that, especially if they aren't willing to accept it, but there's really nothing more you can do. *snuggles*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

It really does make one feel so bad to think that someone can't be helped. And also, she isn't one of my best friends. If it were my best friends, I would walk to hell and back for them.

But for her, I just can't deal. That thought makes me feel so bad and so guilty

[cornporngirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs* guilt is healthy is small doses, just don't let it eat you up.

[ficbitca-bear.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, you have a right to be as selfish as you want and even have the right not to give a toss about it. From the little I know you, however, I think that whatever we say, you will still worry - and that's one of the things that makes you special.

No matter how good a friend you are, though, there comes a point where you just have to face facts, take a deep calming breath, and step back for your own sanity's sake.

*hugs*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, hon. And you know me very well - I will worry whatever.

I just feel so bad. I should have stepped back a long time ago, but I let it continue because I was too weak to face her. And I wanted to help her. So now I also feel bad because I personally think that she can't be helped.

[ficbitca-bear.livejournal.com]

If it helps you get through the weekend, look at it like this:
Perhaps this is the wake-up call that will make her reassess her life.

I've been on both sides of this particular fence, and you can't help someone who just won't help themselves. Unfortunate but true.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

It would be wonderful if it does shake her up. but somehow I think that it'll have the opposite effect. She'll get even more depressed and then give me a hard time at work. she can be very intimitidating and I've been bullied in the workplace before. I'm fully expecting it to happen again. I've opened a HUGE can of worms.

[kmousie.livejournal.com]

Many others have said what I would say, so I'll just hug you tight and send you lots of positive energy to get you through next week. Self-preservation is basic and not at all selfish. :-)

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thank you ~hugs~

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

Lorraine also votes for an unbroken Suki.

*hugs you tight*

I think you did teh right thing; some people can just suck the life outta you and you have to get away from that.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

~hugs Tiddlyflop right back~

~sigh~ yeah, i just couldn't cope with it anymore. Very sad.

Thanks, hon

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Darlin I just don't know what to say. I know you, and I know that you've tried and tried again to be a good friend to this person. And I know that she just keeps putting more and more pressure on you. It comes to a point where you can't let it anymore and I am SO GLAD that you stood up for yourself. If I were you'd I'd go in a bit early on Monday and warn your bosses that there might be problems and hopefully they'll help you out.

No matter what know that you really are a great friend. Okay? Cause you are.

HUGGLES!

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thanks for that, sweetie.

I did try, I really did, it's just that I have my limitations. And I also have a certain standard when it comes to friendship. I never felt that I could truely call her my friend. I think that the incident on holiday, if I ever told you about that, proved it beyong a doubt.

I'm just so glad that i've got friends like you and Kitty and BB and Twirl and C. You are all so wonderful and I love you all to itty bitty pieces

Thank you.

Although I feel awful for the way things have worked out and I'm dreading Monday morning, i do feel like a weight has been lifted.

And I think i'll take your advice for Monday!

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

I don't think you mentioned what happened on holiday. Should I worry? I know you told her to be good or you'd be out of there so don't feel guilty. Hopefully your bosses will help on Monday. I know they were talking to you about her erratic behavior before that.

You'll get through this luv. You're a good person!

HUGGLES AND SNOGS!

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

No, don't worry. I was terrified at the time, but it's over now. And i know that I'll never put myslef in that postion again. I'll tell you about in an email later.

Yeah, I hope I'll get the help from my bosses if i need it. I'm sure it'll be fine. I just worry, you know?

Thanks, darling.

~hugs~

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

You know, it's awful of me to say but for your sake I hope she's too depressed to come to work on Monday. Then again you'll just worry more if I know you. Who knows, maybe she'll get some help now.

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

You know, half of my hopes for the same thing. But I think she'll go all stubborn and come in just despite me. She really can be quite spiteful and I'll feel the force of that now I'm offside.

[reddwarf75.livejournal.com]

*hug* and cookies for u
Marie

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

~hugs back and stuffs cookies like a woman possesed~ I was hungry!

Thanks, sweetie

[wildannuette.livejournal.com]

*cuddles* sometimes its the hardest thing ever to make someone stand on their own two feet and sort themselves out but sometimes it's needed. Sometimes you gotta be selfish or things will get worse *hugs* Hope everything goes alright for you and she gets better

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweetie.