suki_blue | Merlin Picspam -- Beauty and the Beast

In a land of myth and a time of magic, I promised more picspams. I did not deliver. But now, with time on my hands and Sneaky Friends Who Persuade, I have returned with a brand new offering. Before you click and gaze upon my chosen pics and accompanying commentary, let me please point out that it is strangely difficult to find unintentional crack within such a cracked-up episode. I hope you will not be disappointed and, as always, please remember that I only poke fun at shows that I adore. I do not mean what I say. I don't mean that either.

All caps are by me and are free to take, use and alter. No credit required.

TBTB promised us some famous names and look, they gave us Cheryl Cole. I hear she cost half the budget, but she's worth it.

The episode gets off to a slow start.

Oh come on, I expect it from the old guy but you're a young man in your prime, strong, fit, with perky nipples.

See?

I have nothing funny to say about this shot. I just like shoulder porn. But maybe I should show you the event that led to this Nakedness.

Arthur was asleep in his chambers, dreaming about Merlin. He moaned his name and rolled over onto his back.

And that was when Merlin, stopped in his tracks by his name sliding from Arthur's moistened lips, spotted the erection of gigantic proportions lifting Arthur's stroodles like a refreshments tent.

'It runs in the family, Merlin.'

Back to the plot. Cheryl Cole is trying to take over the world starting with the X-Factor and Camelot and it's up to Merlin to stop her. He does this by lurking. A lot.

Unfortunately Cheryl has a partner-in-crime.

Simon Cowell.

He's very creepy and he lurks a lot too.

Then, right in the middle of the action, Merlin and Gaius stop to have a face-pulling contest.

Gaius just has the edge ...

... but then Simon jumps in and makes an epic tit out of himself. Still, it lands him the number one spot.

'Shit!' Merlin is understandably upset.

Arthur is understandably perplexed and disgusted in equal proportions.

But none of this is helping Camelot! While, Merlin, Gaius and Simon await the deciding public vote, more disasters strike.

The sandwich man brings only fruit and NO sandwiches!

It's all far too healthy.

Even Merlin gags on a banana.

Then a spell is unleashed across the city, turning everyone camp, and ...

... causing those already camp to plunge swords into their genital areas.

But never fear! Merlin does his Bright Eyes Burning Like Fire act and all is well again. Except for the troll.

Arthur is grateful. Very grateful.

Back to the main plot again. How can they get rid of this troll? Merlin and Gaius talk about it and get nowhere.

So instead Merlin reads some ye olde steamy porn, and this gives him and Arthur the urge to stand around looking gorgeous.

Then they try some role play. Arthur is the prince, Merlin is his servant preparing his horse ... No, that's not right. The Horse is the prince, Arthur is his servant preparing Merlin for a ride out in the country. No, wait ...

Just as the game moves on to fireplay, Merlin remembers that Cheryl is still on the loose.

She's rich and more powerful than she should be with such moderate talent, but she's determined and has now moved on to judging Strictly Come Prancing.

'It's the only way, Gaius. I have to do it. It is my destiny.'

Later that evening Merlin does the inconceivable. He participates in a dance-off.

And Wins!

Simon is not happy about this and attacks Merlin.

They both appear on Fight School, but unfortunately it was only broadcast on Sky One and no one really cared, which was a shame because it was actually very good. Anyway, Merlin won and he didn't even use magic once -- although he did use Arthur and Arthur's sword and a really disgruntled horse.

And so the troll was defeated.

Or was she?

TBC ...

Oh, and just before I go, I'd like to do a bit of pimping. Please join the Facebook group Showmasters Should Run a Merlin (BBC) Convention. I've been to three Showmasters conventions this year, The Hub 2 and The Hub 3 (Torchwood) and Hallowhedon (Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Dollhouse) and I can happily confirm that these conventions are brilliantly organised and masses of fun. Want to squish Bradley and Colin and have proffesional photos taken with them? Want their autographs? Want entire afternoons of listening to them talk? Want to spend three days hanging out with other Merlin fans? SHOWMASTERS could arrange this for us, but they have to know there is an interest. Please join this group and pimp it as hard as you can.

Showmasters are the best at what they do. They run numerous cons throughout the year along with Collectormania and the London Film and Comic Con. They are already taking steps to put on a Supernatural convention and it's only due to demand. So join, pimp, sign up at the Showmasters forums and tell them that WE WANT A MERLIN CONVENTION! Twitter all Merlin conversation with the trend #wewantamerlinconvention.

Pimp and cross your fingers!

EDIT: Please also check out THIS where