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suki_blueSeries Title: From out of Nowhere
Story Title: Pandemonium
Pairing: Spike/Xander, Angel/Doyle
Rating: NC-17 for violence and potty mouth
Warnings: Some amount of angst.
Summary: Spike gives Xander his birthday present. Plus, fun in an underground carpark.
Previous parts of the series have all been completed and are HERE.
Previous Chapter in the tag.
Beta'd by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kitty_poker1, the greatest Kitty in all the world. Love you, babe!!
Xander sat on Angel’s couch and tried desperately not to bounce too much. Or fiddle. Or fidget. Or move at all, in fact. He’d been pacing the room for the last forty minutes, nattering, babbling and showing his unique talent for run-on sentences before Angel had finally ordered him to sit still and pipe down.
“What do you think it is?” Xander grinned and asked Doyle for the third time.
His friend grinned back at him and shook his head. “Still no clue. But whatever it is, it better be worth all this excitement.”
“Oh, it will,” Xander said. “Spike always gets me the best presents. Of course, I can’t actually tell you what most of those presents are – polite company and all – but let me just say he keeps me very happy.”
“I can tell from the constant smile on your face.”
“Obviously he hasn’t got me anything like that this time or he wouldn’t have made me wait here for him. Think he’ll be much longer? What do you think it is?”
“A car?” Angel suggested.
“Huh. Maybe. I don’t remember mentioning I wanted a car.”
“I doubt that would stop Spike,” Angel pointed out.
“Hmm. No. I’m not getting car vibes at all. Nope. Nuh-uh.”
“Jewellery?” Doyle suggested. “Big ol’ gold bracelet?”
“Bling? Me? I don’t think so. And Spike would hate that.”
Angel sat down and pondered. “What would Spike like on you? Leather. It’s got to be leather.”
“No way. He’d never make me wear leather pants. Or maybe it’s a coat just like his. I’m not sure how that would look.”
“Bizarre,” Doyle answered.
“Hey, I can pull off leather, thank you very much. In fact, I might make him buy me some just to prove it. A jacket, though. Not pants.”
“What’s wrong with leather pants?” Angel asked.
“What’s right with them?” Xander replied. “I’m so not going for the Angelus look.” As soon as it had left his mouth Xander knew he’d made a slip-up. “Shit. Sorry. Angel, I…”
Angel held up a hand to stop him. “Xander, it’s okay. Don’t worry. Angelus is history. I’m back now. And I’ll ask you again,” he said, with a smile that was more painted on than real. “What’s wrong with leather pants?”
“They’re…tight. And they make people stare at your ass.”
“What’s your point?”
“I just think there are better asses to stare at than mine.”
Doyle sat forward and fixed Xander with a mischievous grin. “So, what did Angelus’ ass look like in leather pants?”
“Um, kinda nice…uh, I mean, not that I actually looked. But I hear the view was good. Oh, is that the elevator?”
Angel looked behind him as the lift vibrated into action. “Looks like it.”
Xander laughed nervously for no apparent reason before springing up to meet the elevator. “This is great! What do you think it is?” he asked Doyle again, looking over his shoulder at him and bouncing just a little more.
Spike slid open the lift door. “Happy early birthday, luv.”
“Thanks...Uh, what in the hell is…?” Xander never got to finish his question as he was slammed to the floor by one hundred and fifty pounds of excited dog.
“Spike! Jesus!” Angel yelled in a complete panic, quickly grabbing the nearest weapon he could find.
“Ugh!” Xander cried.
“Easy there, Tiger,” Spike calmed Angel. “He’s friendly.”
“Urgh!”
“But he’s mauling Xander!”
“Urgh! Hee!”
“No he isn’t, you plank. He’s giving him doggy kisses. Ain’t that right, big fella?” Spike cooed as he ruffled the dog’s rough, grey fur.
“Euw! Urgh! Hee! Tickles!”
Angel lowered his banana. The giant beast was indeed giving Xander a thorough bath and Xander didn’t seem too unhappy about it.
“Man, that is one Jolly Grey Giant. Ho, ho, ho. Irish Wolfhound?” Doyle asked.
“Yup. Purebred.”
“Looks it. Big,” Doyle observed.
Spike nodded. “He can reach nearly seven foot with his nose when he stands on his hind legs.”
“Um…” Xander called from floor. “Having trouble breathing now.”
“Oh, shit. Sorry, luv.” Spike tugged at the dog’s collar and pulled him away. “Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit…”
“Might wanna work on the training aspect there,” Doyle pointed out.
Xander scrambled to his feet and stared, open mouthed, at the dog. “That’s my present?”
“Yeah.” Spike suddenly felt a little nervous. He’d had the idea to get Xander a dog – a guardian and a protector – for weeks now. But he’d been so wrapped up in getting the perfect one that he’d never actually stopped to think if Xander would actually even want one.
“Wow.” Xander was in awe.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think that when you decide to go out and do something you have to do it big-style. They don’t have puppies in LA?”
“A puppy didn’t feel right, Xan. Wanted a special one. One that would look after you. Looked everywhere, but none of them felt right. Then I heard about this fellow. Went and had a look last week and… He was the one – the only one. I sound like I’m off my trolley, don’t I?”
“Kinda.”
“So, what do you think, then? Like ‘im?”
“Spike…” Xander paused and took a long serious look at the dog. “I LOVE HIM!!!”
Wrenching his head out of one of Angel’s bookcases, the dog looked up at Xander’s yell of delight and woofed. With renewed waggies, the dog barrelled towards him and jumped.
“ACK!”
“Oi! Off,” Spike commanded. “Off. Off. Off. Off.”
“Maybe he uses a different word,” Doyle suggested.
“Right. Yeah. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Erm…Drop. Drop. Drop the Xander. Drop him!”
Xander put up with one last lick along the entire expanse of his face before he gently pushed the animal away. “Hey, off, boy. Go lay down.”
And he did.
“How the bloody hell did you get him to do that?!”
“I have The Gift when it comes to animals,” Xander explained. “Well, apart from my Aunt Trudy’s horse. How was I to know he didn’t like mustard sandwiches? And my mom kept birds. They used to go crazy every time I walked past them. She used to say I was her very own little Damien. And then there was the school mascot. He didn’t really like me either, especially after I ate him.”
Spike held out his hand and pulled Xander back to his feet. Again. “I think maybe he just likes you,” Spike reasoned. “I knew he would. Had a feeling.”
Xander smiled and leant his forehead against Spike’s. “I really love him,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
“Got competition now, have I? I think I can live with that. Glad you like him. He’ll keep you safe, Xan. I know he will. He’ll be there when I can’t be.”
“You worry too much about me.”
“I don’t worry enough.”
“Objection.”
“Overruled.”
“Thank you, Spike. I love you.”
“Love you too, baby. More than…”
“NOOOO!!!”
Spike, Xander and Doyle jumped at Angel’s sudden, pained scream.
“What the hell? Angel, are you alright? Angel?” Doyle asked.
“Oh, god.”
“What is it, Peaches? Seen a ghost?”
“No. But I’ve just seen your damn dog. My carpet!!!”
**
“Do you think Angel will ever speak to us again?” Xander asked.
“We can hope not.”
“Spike! Seriously.”
“Seriously? Let him get the damn carpet cleaned and then you can go back and ruin it again. Three time’s the charm. Then he definitely won’t speak to us again for at least a couple of weeks. It’ll be like a holiday.”
Xander turned the key in the lock and pushed open the apartment door. “Um, Spike?” Xander said, ignoring his lover’s ‘joke’ completely. “I think either we need to find a shrinking potion for the dog or get a bigger apartment.”
Spike stepped in and looked around. The dog had rushed in ahead and was busy checking out his new surroundings for potential food. “Ah. Yeah. It is like trying to stuff a cat in a hamster ball.”
The dog’s ears pricked up briefly at the word ‘cat’ before it stuck its entire head into the kitchen bin.
“Mind you,” Spike continued. “It’s not like we’re in much, anyway. Think of it like a giant dog bed. This is just where he eats and sleeps.”
A large furry head popped up, holding a crumpled pizza box.
“Actually,” Xander mused, “I think he’s gonna pretty much eat wherever he goes.”
“Well, as long as he doesn’t crap wherever he goes.”
“No, no. He’s gonna save that for Angel.”
Spike threw himself on the couch and lifted his feet onto the coffee table. “I knew there was a reason I liked him.”
**
Xander knew there was a reason that he didn’t like sewers. So did Doyle. For them, the sewer system had absolutely no upside and a million downsides. It was dirty, smelly, slimy, smelly, kinda scary, smelly, damp, cold. And to top it off, it was extremely smelly.
“Why is it always the sewer?” Doyle complained.
Xander screwed up his nose and walked a little faster. “You just read my mind. Why do we do it, huh? Okay, so they have to use the sewers during the day, but we don’t. You know what it is?”
“What?”
“We’re under the thumb,” Xander deduced.
“Yeah! We are completely under the thumb. They say jump, we say how high. Or maybe they just say sewer and we say let me get my coat. At least he’s enjoying himself.” Doyle motioned to the excitable dog bounding up and down the tunnel.
“I think he likes to splash.”
“So I’ve noticed. Angel doesn’t like to splash, but it looks like Rover isn’t giving him a choice.” Doyle grinned and winced as the dog jumped in the air and planted all four feet firmly in the shallow water next to Angel.
“Angel’s gonna make me buy him new socks, isn’t he?”
“At least you know what to get him for Christmas.”
“Good point. Waterproof socks and a sou’wester?”
“Sounds sensible.”
~SPLASH~
“Erm, it’s a long time until Christmas. When’s his birthday?”
“Speaking of which,” Doyle began, “this is a fine way to spend your birthday. Did you even get a chance to open a present?”
“Nope. Didn’t get the chance for a birthday anything.”
“That is a shame,” Doyle smirked.
“I didn’t even get a birthday something last night.”
“No? Damn, Xander, I’m shocked.”
“Well, you know us; we would have, but Whacky got in the way. He’s kinda affectionate.”
“Whacky?”
Xander pointed at the dog. “Whacky.”
“Wow. That is one whacky name.”
“Exactly.”
“Does Spike know?”
“Of course!”
“Really?”
“No.”
“I thought so.”
“He wanted to call him Bullet,” Xander complained. “He doesn’t look anything like a Bullet. Or a Killer. Or a Turkish. Or a Vinnie.”
“Am I sensing a theme there?” Doyle asked with a chuckle.
“He just watched Snatch again,” Xander sighed.
“Oi!” Spike called back. “Stop lagging!”
Xander saluted and sped up a little more.
The call had come at a little after seven in the morning. A demon fight had broken out overnight somewhere near the Pandemonium club. It had apparently started as an argument over a trifling issue, such as one demon being too familiar with the girlfriend of another. Blows were exchanged and somewhere along the line it had escalated into something resembling a mini-turf war.
Still fired up and erupting all over the place, the instigator had escaped into the sewer system and was hiding out with a hostage from the opposing mob. The rival gang was, at this point, still unaware of this fact and Angel had been called in to find the runaway demon and defuse the situation.
But the surprising thing? The call had not come from Gagan, as expected. It had come from Breeta – the bouncer – and, while Angel was as pleased as punch by this, Doyle wasn’t so sure. Something told him that they shouldn’t place their trust so easily in this guy.
The tunnel came to an end and Spike led the way up the ladder and into an underground car park.
“And we’re doing what here, exactly?” Xander asked.
“Following the breadcrumbs,” Spike replied, pointing at the ground. “The hostage is a Talaxeone demon. And she’s bleeding.”
“That green stuff is blood? Euw. Ectoplasm.”
“Looks like she’s lost a lot,” Doyle observed.
Angel nodded. “We’d better find her, and fast.”
Spike motioned to Doyle and Angel with his head. “Smart pair, aren’t they, Xan?”
“So is Whacky. Did you know he can climb ladders?” Xander asked.
“No, I didn’t. Knew he was smart dog, though. I wonder if he can…? Hang on. Whacky?!”
“Yeah. Don’t you think it suits him?”
“No. I thought we were going to call him Brick Top!”
“Guys?” Doyle interrupted. “How about you two discuss the dog’s name another time, before you both get beheaded by the large demon that’s trying to creep up on you?”
“Eh?” Spike whipped his head around and was surprised to find that Doyle wasn’t lying. “How the fuck did you do that without me hearing, you little snot?”
“Snot, yeah,” Xander said as he turned around and backed carefully away. “But not so much with the little. Oh, look, just for fun, there’s another one.”
Doyle turned around and squinted into the darkness. “And another. And another. Anybody else getting a bad feeling?”
Xander raised his hand. “Me?”
Spike looked at him and nodded as another demon stepped into view. “I’ll second that bad feeling and raise you a gut feeling that we’ve been had.”
Angel drew an axe from his jacket. “Looks like a set-up.”
“I just said that, you plank!” Spike snapped.
“Do you think there’s even a hostage?” Xander asked.
Another demon, similar to the others but wider, slid from the shadows. Like his companions, he was Talaxeone, but his mottled face was crested from forehead to lips with a bright red ridge. “Fools! We needed no hostage. Just a story was enough.”
“Breeta did this,” Doyle spat. “I knew it! Angel, I told you we couldn’t trust him.”
“Lesson learned,” Angel replied. “What’s this about?” he asked the crested demon.
“It’s about you not sticking your nose in business that doesn’t concern you. Ask the wrong questions – ask any questions – and the boss gets…nervous. And when the boss gets nervous…”
“Who’s your boss?” Xander interrupted. “If I’m gonna die, I’d at least like to know who killed me, you know, just for reference. Who knows what forms I’ll have to fill in on the other side? Unless they already have everything all catalogued. Maybe they just hand you a card and you punch it in when you go through the gate. That would be convenient and so much quicker.”
“Silence, you miserable child!”
“Hey, I’m not miserable! Well, not since this morning and that’s only because I couldn’t find my other sock even though I knew I’d left it right there on the bed. And then Spike found it in Whacky’s water bowl. It was totally soaked and I had to dry it with Spike’s hairdryer. So then – because I hadn’t done any laundry - I ended up wearing one black and one white. Look.” Xander pulled up his pant legs to display his mismatched socks.
The Talaxeone looked down. And never looked back up.
Spike slid his sword from the demon’s back and grinned. “Now that is what I call teamwork. Right, who’s next?” Spike asked, turning around to face the other demons. None of them looked overly confident. “No volunteers? Are we going to have to draw straws now, folks?”
Xander grinned as the demons backed away. “Look at them wilting without their leader.”
Whacky sat by Xander’s side and watched. At first it had looked like there was going to be trouble, and not the type that involved having to dig a hole so that the family cat wouldn’t find your bone. It looked like it was going to be a bite and shake kind of situation, with possibly a small amount of chasing. That would have been fun. And it probably would have got him a tummy rub and a rawhide chew. But hey, he’d probably get that anyway, knowing his new masters. He’d been with Xander and Spike for less than twenty four hours, but already he’d received one bowl of food, twelve biscuits, two back scratches and a very satisfying ear-tickle. They were very generous masters.
But what was this? One of the demons feeling brave?
Whacky looked around him. Two of the demons had fled, Angel was taking down a third with Doyle’s help and Spike was busy smashing the fourth demon’s skull into the concrete ground.
And the fifth one? Was charging at Xander.
Whacky stood and made some simple calculations in his head. His master was strong. His master could apparently burn people where they stood, and, boy, did Whacky not want a demonstration of that. His master was a vampire consort. His master was fast. His master was armed. His master…
…couldn’t even deliver a bowl of water without tipping it over himself. Yeppers, it was time for some doggy action.
Muscles tensed and sprang as Whacky suddenly hurtled across the car park towards the threat. Even if the Talaxeone could have had time to react, he would only have made half a gasp of surprise before razor sharp canines and other assorted teeth sank deep into his jelly-like skin. The resulting scream of agony was heard a block away.
Then came the shaking. The shaking was fun. Whacky gripped the arm even tighter and shook the demon until money, a lighter, a pack of cigarettes and a chocolate bar fell from his pocket. He let go of the arm and ate the chocolate, wrapper and all.
Whacky stood and wagged his tail as the demon groaned in pain and his masters approached.
“Whoa! Good Whacky! Did you see that, guys? He defended me! Either that or he could smell the chocolate and wanted to beat me to it.”
Xander grinned and ruffled Whacky’s fur.
Spike smiled. His idea had been perfect. This dog was perfect. This dog was going to protect Xander.
Whacky yawned, making a sound like a creaking gate. He’d finally found his destiny. And, wow, that sure was a good chocolate bar.
Doyle looked down at the fallen demon and reminded himself to never play fight with Xander.
Angel looked down at the fallen demon and growled. “Let’s find out who this guy is working for.”
**
Authors Note: Never give human chocolate to a dog. It is very bad for them and in big enough quantities it can actually kill them.
**
Story Title: Pandemonium
Pairing: Spike/Xander, Angel/Doyle
Rating: NC-17 for violence and potty mouth
Warnings: Some amount of angst.
Summary: Spike gives Xander his birthday present. Plus, fun in an underground carpark.
Previous parts of the series have all been completed and are HERE.
Previous Chapter in the tag.
Beta'd by
kitty_poker1, the greatest Kitty in all the world. Love you, babe!!Xander sat on Angel’s couch and tried desperately not to bounce too much. Or fiddle. Or fidget. Or move at all, in fact. He’d been pacing the room for the last forty minutes, nattering, babbling and showing his unique talent for run-on sentences before Angel had finally ordered him to sit still and pipe down.
“What do you think it is?” Xander grinned and asked Doyle for the third time.
His friend grinned back at him and shook his head. “Still no clue. But whatever it is, it better be worth all this excitement.”
“Oh, it will,” Xander said. “Spike always gets me the best presents. Of course, I can’t actually tell you what most of those presents are – polite company and all – but let me just say he keeps me very happy.”
“I can tell from the constant smile on your face.”
“Obviously he hasn’t got me anything like that this time or he wouldn’t have made me wait here for him. Think he’ll be much longer? What do you think it is?”
“A car?” Angel suggested.
“Huh. Maybe. I don’t remember mentioning I wanted a car.”
“I doubt that would stop Spike,” Angel pointed out.
“Hmm. No. I’m not getting car vibes at all. Nope. Nuh-uh.”
“Jewellery?” Doyle suggested. “Big ol’ gold bracelet?”
“Bling? Me? I don’t think so. And Spike would hate that.”
Angel sat down and pondered. “What would Spike like on you? Leather. It’s got to be leather.”
“No way. He’d never make me wear leather pants. Or maybe it’s a coat just like his. I’m not sure how that would look.”
“Bizarre,” Doyle answered.
“Hey, I can pull off leather, thank you very much. In fact, I might make him buy me some just to prove it. A jacket, though. Not pants.”
“What’s wrong with leather pants?” Angel asked.
“What’s right with them?” Xander replied. “I’m so not going for the Angelus look.” As soon as it had left his mouth Xander knew he’d made a slip-up. “Shit. Sorry. Angel, I…”
Angel held up a hand to stop him. “Xander, it’s okay. Don’t worry. Angelus is history. I’m back now. And I’ll ask you again,” he said, with a smile that was more painted on than real. “What’s wrong with leather pants?”
“They’re…tight. And they make people stare at your ass.”
“What’s your point?”
“I just think there are better asses to stare at than mine.”
Doyle sat forward and fixed Xander with a mischievous grin. “So, what did Angelus’ ass look like in leather pants?”
“Um, kinda nice…uh, I mean, not that I actually looked. But I hear the view was good. Oh, is that the elevator?”
Angel looked behind him as the lift vibrated into action. “Looks like it.”
Xander laughed nervously for no apparent reason before springing up to meet the elevator. “This is great! What do you think it is?” he asked Doyle again, looking over his shoulder at him and bouncing just a little more.
Spike slid open the lift door. “Happy early birthday, luv.”
“Thanks...Uh, what in the hell is…?” Xander never got to finish his question as he was slammed to the floor by one hundred and fifty pounds of excited dog.
“Spike! Jesus!” Angel yelled in a complete panic, quickly grabbing the nearest weapon he could find.
“Ugh!” Xander cried.
“Easy there, Tiger,” Spike calmed Angel. “He’s friendly.”
“Urgh!”
“But he’s mauling Xander!”
“Urgh! Hee!”
“No he isn’t, you plank. He’s giving him doggy kisses. Ain’t that right, big fella?” Spike cooed as he ruffled the dog’s rough, grey fur.
“Euw! Urgh! Hee! Tickles!”
Angel lowered his banana. The giant beast was indeed giving Xander a thorough bath and Xander didn’t seem too unhappy about it.
“Man, that is one Jolly Grey Giant. Ho, ho, ho. Irish Wolfhound?” Doyle asked.
“Yup. Purebred.”
“Looks it. Big,” Doyle observed.
Spike nodded. “He can reach nearly seven foot with his nose when he stands on his hind legs.”
“Um…” Xander called from floor. “Having trouble breathing now.”
“Oh, shit. Sorry, luv.” Spike tugged at the dog’s collar and pulled him away. “Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit…”
“Might wanna work on the training aspect there,” Doyle pointed out.
Xander scrambled to his feet and stared, open mouthed, at the dog. “That’s my present?”
“Yeah.” Spike suddenly felt a little nervous. He’d had the idea to get Xander a dog – a guardian and a protector – for weeks now. But he’d been so wrapped up in getting the perfect one that he’d never actually stopped to think if Xander would actually even want one.
“Wow.” Xander was in awe.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think that when you decide to go out and do something you have to do it big-style. They don’t have puppies in LA?”
“A puppy didn’t feel right, Xan. Wanted a special one. One that would look after you. Looked everywhere, but none of them felt right. Then I heard about this fellow. Went and had a look last week and… He was the one – the only one. I sound like I’m off my trolley, don’t I?”
“Kinda.”
“So, what do you think, then? Like ‘im?”
“Spike…” Xander paused and took a long serious look at the dog. “I LOVE HIM!!!”
Wrenching his head out of one of Angel’s bookcases, the dog looked up at Xander’s yell of delight and woofed. With renewed waggies, the dog barrelled towards him and jumped.
“ACK!”
“Oi! Off,” Spike commanded. “Off. Off. Off. Off.”
“Maybe he uses a different word,” Doyle suggested.
“Right. Yeah. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Erm…Drop. Drop. Drop the Xander. Drop him!”
Xander put up with one last lick along the entire expanse of his face before he gently pushed the animal away. “Hey, off, boy. Go lay down.”
And he did.
“How the bloody hell did you get him to do that?!”
“I have The Gift when it comes to animals,” Xander explained. “Well, apart from my Aunt Trudy’s horse. How was I to know he didn’t like mustard sandwiches? And my mom kept birds. They used to go crazy every time I walked past them. She used to say I was her very own little Damien. And then there was the school mascot. He didn’t really like me either, especially after I ate him.”
Spike held out his hand and pulled Xander back to his feet. Again. “I think maybe he just likes you,” Spike reasoned. “I knew he would. Had a feeling.”
Xander smiled and leant his forehead against Spike’s. “I really love him,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
“Got competition now, have I? I think I can live with that. Glad you like him. He’ll keep you safe, Xan. I know he will. He’ll be there when I can’t be.”
“You worry too much about me.”
“I don’t worry enough.”
“Objection.”
“Overruled.”
“Thank you, Spike. I love you.”
“Love you too, baby. More than…”
“NOOOO!!!”
Spike, Xander and Doyle jumped at Angel’s sudden, pained scream.
“What the hell? Angel, are you alright? Angel?” Doyle asked.
“Oh, god.”
“What is it, Peaches? Seen a ghost?”
“No. But I’ve just seen your damn dog. My carpet!!!”
**
“Do you think Angel will ever speak to us again?” Xander asked.
“We can hope not.”
“Spike! Seriously.”
“Seriously? Let him get the damn carpet cleaned and then you can go back and ruin it again. Three time’s the charm. Then he definitely won’t speak to us again for at least a couple of weeks. It’ll be like a holiday.”
Xander turned the key in the lock and pushed open the apartment door. “Um, Spike?” Xander said, ignoring his lover’s ‘joke’ completely. “I think either we need to find a shrinking potion for the dog or get a bigger apartment.”
Spike stepped in and looked around. The dog had rushed in ahead and was busy checking out his new surroundings for potential food. “Ah. Yeah. It is like trying to stuff a cat in a hamster ball.”
The dog’s ears pricked up briefly at the word ‘cat’ before it stuck its entire head into the kitchen bin.
“Mind you,” Spike continued. “It’s not like we’re in much, anyway. Think of it like a giant dog bed. This is just where he eats and sleeps.”
A large furry head popped up, holding a crumpled pizza box.
“Actually,” Xander mused, “I think he’s gonna pretty much eat wherever he goes.”
“Well, as long as he doesn’t crap wherever he goes.”
“No, no. He’s gonna save that for Angel.”
Spike threw himself on the couch and lifted his feet onto the coffee table. “I knew there was a reason I liked him.”
**
Xander knew there was a reason that he didn’t like sewers. So did Doyle. For them, the sewer system had absolutely no upside and a million downsides. It was dirty, smelly, slimy, smelly, kinda scary, smelly, damp, cold. And to top it off, it was extremely smelly.
“Why is it always the sewer?” Doyle complained.
Xander screwed up his nose and walked a little faster. “You just read my mind. Why do we do it, huh? Okay, so they have to use the sewers during the day, but we don’t. You know what it is?”
“What?”
“We’re under the thumb,” Xander deduced.
“Yeah! We are completely under the thumb. They say jump, we say how high. Or maybe they just say sewer and we say let me get my coat. At least he’s enjoying himself.” Doyle motioned to the excitable dog bounding up and down the tunnel.
“I think he likes to splash.”
“So I’ve noticed. Angel doesn’t like to splash, but it looks like Rover isn’t giving him a choice.” Doyle grinned and winced as the dog jumped in the air and planted all four feet firmly in the shallow water next to Angel.
“Angel’s gonna make me buy him new socks, isn’t he?”
“At least you know what to get him for Christmas.”
“Good point. Waterproof socks and a sou’wester?”
“Sounds sensible.”
~SPLASH~
“Erm, it’s a long time until Christmas. When’s his birthday?”
“Speaking of which,” Doyle began, “this is a fine way to spend your birthday. Did you even get a chance to open a present?”
“Nope. Didn’t get the chance for a birthday anything.”
“That is a shame,” Doyle smirked.
“I didn’t even get a birthday something last night.”
“No? Damn, Xander, I’m shocked.”
“Well, you know us; we would have, but Whacky got in the way. He’s kinda affectionate.”
“Whacky?”
Xander pointed at the dog. “Whacky.”
“Wow. That is one whacky name.”
“Exactly.”
“Does Spike know?”
“Of course!”
“Really?”
“No.”
“I thought so.”
“He wanted to call him Bullet,” Xander complained. “He doesn’t look anything like a Bullet. Or a Killer. Or a Turkish. Or a Vinnie.”
“Am I sensing a theme there?” Doyle asked with a chuckle.
“He just watched Snatch again,” Xander sighed.
“Oi!” Spike called back. “Stop lagging!”
Xander saluted and sped up a little more.
The call had come at a little after seven in the morning. A demon fight had broken out overnight somewhere near the Pandemonium club. It had apparently started as an argument over a trifling issue, such as one demon being too familiar with the girlfriend of another. Blows were exchanged and somewhere along the line it had escalated into something resembling a mini-turf war.
Still fired up and erupting all over the place, the instigator had escaped into the sewer system and was hiding out with a hostage from the opposing mob. The rival gang was, at this point, still unaware of this fact and Angel had been called in to find the runaway demon and defuse the situation.
But the surprising thing? The call had not come from Gagan, as expected. It had come from Breeta – the bouncer – and, while Angel was as pleased as punch by this, Doyle wasn’t so sure. Something told him that they shouldn’t place their trust so easily in this guy.
The tunnel came to an end and Spike led the way up the ladder and into an underground car park.
“And we’re doing what here, exactly?” Xander asked.
“Following the breadcrumbs,” Spike replied, pointing at the ground. “The hostage is a Talaxeone demon. And she’s bleeding.”
“That green stuff is blood? Euw. Ectoplasm.”
“Looks like she’s lost a lot,” Doyle observed.
Angel nodded. “We’d better find her, and fast.”
Spike motioned to Doyle and Angel with his head. “Smart pair, aren’t they, Xan?”
“So is Whacky. Did you know he can climb ladders?” Xander asked.
“No, I didn’t. Knew he was smart dog, though. I wonder if he can…? Hang on. Whacky?!”
“Yeah. Don’t you think it suits him?”
“No. I thought we were going to call him Brick Top!”
“Guys?” Doyle interrupted. “How about you two discuss the dog’s name another time, before you both get beheaded by the large demon that’s trying to creep up on you?”
“Eh?” Spike whipped his head around and was surprised to find that Doyle wasn’t lying. “How the fuck did you do that without me hearing, you little snot?”
“Snot, yeah,” Xander said as he turned around and backed carefully away. “But not so much with the little. Oh, look, just for fun, there’s another one.”
Doyle turned around and squinted into the darkness. “And another. And another. Anybody else getting a bad feeling?”
Xander raised his hand. “Me?”
Spike looked at him and nodded as another demon stepped into view. “I’ll second that bad feeling and raise you a gut feeling that we’ve been had.”
Angel drew an axe from his jacket. “Looks like a set-up.”
“I just said that, you plank!” Spike snapped.
“Do you think there’s even a hostage?” Xander asked.
Another demon, similar to the others but wider, slid from the shadows. Like his companions, he was Talaxeone, but his mottled face was crested from forehead to lips with a bright red ridge. “Fools! We needed no hostage. Just a story was enough.”
“Breeta did this,” Doyle spat. “I knew it! Angel, I told you we couldn’t trust him.”
“Lesson learned,” Angel replied. “What’s this about?” he asked the crested demon.
“It’s about you not sticking your nose in business that doesn’t concern you. Ask the wrong questions – ask any questions – and the boss gets…nervous. And when the boss gets nervous…”
“Who’s your boss?” Xander interrupted. “If I’m gonna die, I’d at least like to know who killed me, you know, just for reference. Who knows what forms I’ll have to fill in on the other side? Unless they already have everything all catalogued. Maybe they just hand you a card and you punch it in when you go through the gate. That would be convenient and so much quicker.”
“Silence, you miserable child!”
“Hey, I’m not miserable! Well, not since this morning and that’s only because I couldn’t find my other sock even though I knew I’d left it right there on the bed. And then Spike found it in Whacky’s water bowl. It was totally soaked and I had to dry it with Spike’s hairdryer. So then – because I hadn’t done any laundry - I ended up wearing one black and one white. Look.” Xander pulled up his pant legs to display his mismatched socks.
The Talaxeone looked down. And never looked back up.
Spike slid his sword from the demon’s back and grinned. “Now that is what I call teamwork. Right, who’s next?” Spike asked, turning around to face the other demons. None of them looked overly confident. “No volunteers? Are we going to have to draw straws now, folks?”
Xander grinned as the demons backed away. “Look at them wilting without their leader.”
Whacky sat by Xander’s side and watched. At first it had looked like there was going to be trouble, and not the type that involved having to dig a hole so that the family cat wouldn’t find your bone. It looked like it was going to be a bite and shake kind of situation, with possibly a small amount of chasing. That would have been fun. And it probably would have got him a tummy rub and a rawhide chew. But hey, he’d probably get that anyway, knowing his new masters. He’d been with Xander and Spike for less than twenty four hours, but already he’d received one bowl of food, twelve biscuits, two back scratches and a very satisfying ear-tickle. They were very generous masters.
But what was this? One of the demons feeling brave?
Whacky looked around him. Two of the demons had fled, Angel was taking down a third with Doyle’s help and Spike was busy smashing the fourth demon’s skull into the concrete ground.
And the fifth one? Was charging at Xander.
Whacky stood and made some simple calculations in his head. His master was strong. His master could apparently burn people where they stood, and, boy, did Whacky not want a demonstration of that. His master was a vampire consort. His master was fast. His master was armed. His master…
…couldn’t even deliver a bowl of water without tipping it over himself. Yeppers, it was time for some doggy action.
Muscles tensed and sprang as Whacky suddenly hurtled across the car park towards the threat. Even if the Talaxeone could have had time to react, he would only have made half a gasp of surprise before razor sharp canines and other assorted teeth sank deep into his jelly-like skin. The resulting scream of agony was heard a block away.
Then came the shaking. The shaking was fun. Whacky gripped the arm even tighter and shook the demon until money, a lighter, a pack of cigarettes and a chocolate bar fell from his pocket. He let go of the arm and ate the chocolate, wrapper and all.
Whacky stood and wagged his tail as the demon groaned in pain and his masters approached.
“Whoa! Good Whacky! Did you see that, guys? He defended me! Either that or he could smell the chocolate and wanted to beat me to it.”
Xander grinned and ruffled Whacky’s fur.
Spike smiled. His idea had been perfect. This dog was perfect. This dog was going to protect Xander.
Whacky yawned, making a sound like a creaking gate. He’d finally found his destiny. And, wow, that sure was a good chocolate bar.
Doyle looked down at the fallen demon and reminded himself to never play fight with Xander.
Angel looked down at the fallen demon and growled. “Let’s find out who this guy is working for.”
**
Authors Note: Never give human chocolate to a dog. It is very bad for them and in big enough quantities it can actually kill them.
**
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 03:03 pm (UTC)Still, very amusing how Whacky is annoying Angel without apparently trying. *grins*
~Nebula
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 11:18 am (UTC)As for who or what he is...?
Not telling!!!
It's hard not to annoy Angel ;o)
Thanks, luv!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 03:43 pm (UTC)Whacky's thought process had me in tears..."His master....couldn't even deliver a bowl of water without tipping it over himself." Thanks so much for this excellent chapter I really needed the laugh and you supplied it in spades! I'll look forward to more when you can.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 11:21 am (UTC)I just tried to get into the mind of a dog, into my own dog's mind. It was damp in there ;o)
I'm really pleased with how Whacky's character has turned out so far. I love him. Hee!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 04:36 pm (UTC)Well, i can truthfully say that I wasn't expecting a present that whacky! But he sounds perfect for Xander, whether he's an actual dog or not. :D
Love!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 11:22 am (UTC)I think he's perfect for Xander too. And, is he a dog? Well, his tail waggles! ~g~
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 05:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 10:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 11:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 11:23 am (UTC)And pee his will, by the bucket ;o)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 06:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 11:24 am (UTC)Hee! He is one smart doggie ;o)
More soon!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 01:04 am (UTC)Loved the dog, you can tell I guess
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 11:27 am (UTC)Hee! Whacky seems to be very popular ;o)
Thank you!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 04:06 pm (UTC)*Baby-voice* Who's a good dog? who's a good dog? Yeah, you are!
Instead of a Scooby, Xander gets a Whacky..
Which fits him..
And Spike is all cute with the whole "I need to protect my guy"-thing he got going..
*Giggles* And the doomed carpet!!
*Smooch*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-22 12:23 pm (UTC)Whacky is nearly as cutie as Spike!!