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suki_blueTitle: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
Fandom: Btvs/DC Comics
Pairing: Xander/Batman
Genre: Comedy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: After the incident with Alfred, Xander and Batman talk. And stuff.
Beta'd by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kitty_poker1. Thanks, luv!
Icon is by me and it's totally sharable.
Previous Batxan Ficlettes: HERE
“Is he okay?” The worry lines on Xander’s face showed that he’d been stressing for at least the last five minutes.
“I think so,” Batman replied. “I’ve never seen him that pale before. Apart from the time I put a caterpillar in his sandwich.”
Xander shook his head. “A caterpillar sandwich? Man, that’s harsh.”
“Cheese and caterpillar,” Batman corrected. “I didn’t think it would go with the cucumber.”
“Strangely, I see the logic in that. So, um, steering the conversation back around – not that I really want to – is there any chance that he didn’t see most of what we did?”
“Alfred has the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a…what has good ears?”
“Labradors.”
“He has the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a Labrador.”
“So, uh, he’s observant?”
“Very. And he was sitting here the whole time.”
“Oh, well, that would do it.”
Batman looked even more serious than usual. “It just proves what I suspected all along. You’re a distraction. We can’t see each other anymore.”
Xander raised an eyebrow and considered dishing out a girly slap. “Excuse me? So, I was good enough for a tumble but not now?”
“That wasn’t what I said…”
“Oh, so, it was okay when you were feeling me up, but now that your butler saw us, I’m history? What was I? Some dirty little secret that has no point now the secret’s out?”
“No, I…”
“Now you’ve got your jollies I can go take a hike, is that what you’re saying?”
“No, I…”
“Ah, I see. So you’re saying I’m an embarrassment.”
“Of course not!”
“Okay, so clearly you think I’m too young for you.”
“N…”
“Hey, I’m wise beyond my years, bud.”
“Xander, it’s not a matter of…”
“Oh, so you’re worried about my safety, what with the whole chasing bad guys deal. You think I can’t hack it.”
“I think that you distract me!” Batman finally bellowed. “We left ourselves vulnerable; anyone could have crept up on us and we would never have been aware.”
“Don’t be dumb! You can be such an idiot.”
“Be careful,” Batman warned. “I’ve tied up people for less.”
Xander tried not to interpret the warning in a smutty sense. “Look, if there had been any real danger you would have known.”
“Xander,” Batman sighed. “The Gotham City Bank was on fire. I think I should have noticed that.”
Xander flapped his hand. “Robin was there. He had everything under control. If for one moment you’d thought that there was danger to me or to anyone else you would have acted.”
Batman pursed his lips and tilted his head from side to side while he considered this. “Well…”
“Come on, you’re the Batman, Batman. You always have everything under control. Nothing happens unless you want it to happen. Do you want this to happen?” Xander trailed his fingers down Batman’s chest. “Do you want me?”
Batman licked his lips and slowly nodded. His eyes closed as the fingers dropped lower and brushed over his hardening cock.
“Do you want me to touch you?” Xander asked, his voice a mere whisper against his own screaming arousal.
“Yes. God, Xander, yes. Touch me.”
Xander pressed his hand against Batman’s erection and squeezed. “You’re so hard.”
“Well, I know I can be a little awkward, but…oh, you meant…”
“Touch me too, Batman? Want your hands on me.”
As Batman obliged, Xander shifted in his seat and straddled him. He felt his zipper slowly sliding down and he kissed Batman deeply as he felt the hand finally slide into his boxers and caress his cock.
Batman pumped him fast and hard and Xander could barely contain his passion. He wanted to scream and he wanted to tear Batman’s costume from his body and take that enormous cock in his hand. Unfortunately, it was a little difficult to scream with a tongue halfway down his throat and he just couldn’t find his way into the costume.
Then, it was too late. Xander wrenched his lips from Batman’s and screamed his release into the air while Batman shot his load into his tights. Again.
A throat cleared next to them. “Have you two quite finished?”
“Gah!”
“Alfred! I forgot you were there…again. Why didn’t you say something?!”
“Well, I didn’t like to interrupt. It is rather rude, you know. Shall we drive back to the manor now, or will you be going for thirds?”
TBC…
Fandom: Btvs/DC Comics
Pairing: Xander/Batman
Genre: Comedy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: After the incident with Alfred, Xander and Batman talk. And stuff.
Beta'd by
kitty_poker1. Thanks, luv!Icon is by me and it's totally sharable.
Previous Batxan Ficlettes: HERE
“Is he okay?” The worry lines on Xander’s face showed that he’d been stressing for at least the last five minutes.
“I think so,” Batman replied. “I’ve never seen him that pale before. Apart from the time I put a caterpillar in his sandwich.”
Xander shook his head. “A caterpillar sandwich? Man, that’s harsh.”
“Cheese and caterpillar,” Batman corrected. “I didn’t think it would go with the cucumber.”
“Strangely, I see the logic in that. So, um, steering the conversation back around – not that I really want to – is there any chance that he didn’t see most of what we did?”
“Alfred has the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a…what has good ears?”
“Labradors.”
“He has the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a Labrador.”
“So, uh, he’s observant?”
“Very. And he was sitting here the whole time.”
“Oh, well, that would do it.”
Batman looked even more serious than usual. “It just proves what I suspected all along. You’re a distraction. We can’t see each other anymore.”
Xander raised an eyebrow and considered dishing out a girly slap. “Excuse me? So, I was good enough for a tumble but not now?”
“That wasn’t what I said…”
“Oh, so, it was okay when you were feeling me up, but now that your butler saw us, I’m history? What was I? Some dirty little secret that has no point now the secret’s out?”
“No, I…”
“Now you’ve got your jollies I can go take a hike, is that what you’re saying?”
“No, I…”
“Ah, I see. So you’re saying I’m an embarrassment.”
“Of course not!”
“Okay, so clearly you think I’m too young for you.”
“N…”
“Hey, I’m wise beyond my years, bud.”
“Xander, it’s not a matter of…”
“Oh, so you’re worried about my safety, what with the whole chasing bad guys deal. You think I can’t hack it.”
“I think that you distract me!” Batman finally bellowed. “We left ourselves vulnerable; anyone could have crept up on us and we would never have been aware.”
“Don’t be dumb! You can be such an idiot.”
“Be careful,” Batman warned. “I’ve tied up people for less.”
Xander tried not to interpret the warning in a smutty sense. “Look, if there had been any real danger you would have known.”
“Xander,” Batman sighed. “The Gotham City Bank was on fire. I think I should have noticed that.”
Xander flapped his hand. “Robin was there. He had everything under control. If for one moment you’d thought that there was danger to me or to anyone else you would have acted.”
Batman pursed his lips and tilted his head from side to side while he considered this. “Well…”
“Come on, you’re the Batman, Batman. You always have everything under control. Nothing happens unless you want it to happen. Do you want this to happen?” Xander trailed his fingers down Batman’s chest. “Do you want me?”
Batman licked his lips and slowly nodded. His eyes closed as the fingers dropped lower and brushed over his hardening cock.
“Do you want me to touch you?” Xander asked, his voice a mere whisper against his own screaming arousal.
“Yes. God, Xander, yes. Touch me.”
Xander pressed his hand against Batman’s erection and squeezed. “You’re so hard.”
“Well, I know I can be a little awkward, but…oh, you meant…”
“Touch me too, Batman? Want your hands on me.”
As Batman obliged, Xander shifted in his seat and straddled him. He felt his zipper slowly sliding down and he kissed Batman deeply as he felt the hand finally slide into his boxers and caress his cock.
Batman pumped him fast and hard and Xander could barely contain his passion. He wanted to scream and he wanted to tear Batman’s costume from his body and take that enormous cock in his hand. Unfortunately, it was a little difficult to scream with a tongue halfway down his throat and he just couldn’t find his way into the costume.
Then, it was too late. Xander wrenched his lips from Batman’s and screamed his release into the air while Batman shot his load into his tights. Again.
A throat cleared next to them. “Have you two quite finished?”
“Gah!”
“Alfred! I forgot you were there…again. Why didn’t you say something?!”
“Well, I didn’t like to interrupt. It is rather rude, you know. Shall we drive back to the manor now, or will you be going for thirds?”
TBC…
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 01:19 pm (UTC)“Gah!”
“Alfred! I forgot you were there…again. Why didn’t you say something?!”
“Well, I didn’t like to interrupt. It is rather rude, you know. Shall we drive back to the manor now, or will you be going for thirds?”
*dies laughing* Thanks for that cause it made my day.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 01:39 pm (UTC)Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 02:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 02:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 02:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 02:48 pm (UTC)Thanks, hon.
MWAH!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 02:47 pm (UTC)~Nebula
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 02:50 pm (UTC)I don't think Alfred could not be polite. ~reads that back~ Did that make sense?
Hee!
~hugs~
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 03:09 pm (UTC)“Labradors.”
“He has the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a Labrador.”
I started giggling there and never stopped. *g* And hotness! Excellent, hon.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-13 11:51 am (UTC)I can't stop picturing Alfred with Labrador ears now! :oD
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-13 11:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-13 12:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 04:37 pm (UTC)I think I accidentally called you Amejisuto yesterday so now I feel really bad about it. Don't know why; guess it's cause you two are the only ones who do comic fic. Also, you're both incredible writers, plus sometimes you write things together... No, I can see why I confused you two :P
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-13 11:56 am (UTC)That is a sure sign!! Hee!!
I think I accidentally called you Amejisuto yesterday so now I feel really bad about it.
Oh, don't feel bad! It wasn't the first time that's happened and I doubt it will be the last. So you're not the only one to make that mistake. LOL! And besides, Ame and I both joke that were are the same brain, so, yeah, mixing us up is very easy ;o)
~hugs~
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 04:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-13 11:57 am (UTC)And I love your icon. ~snicker~
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 05:16 pm (UTC)or maybe Lucky Alfred!
And Xander is so devious!
and sexy...
Which is just norm for him, right?
Poor Batman...
He's never gonna know what hit him...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-13 11:59 am (UTC)Thanks, luv!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-08 04:28 pm (UTC)“Gah!”
“Alfred! I forgot you were there…again. Why didn’t you say something?!”
“Well, I didn’t like to interrupt. It is rather rude, you know. Shall we drive back to the manor now, or will you be going for thirds?”
PWN!!! total pwn!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-10 02:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-11 08:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-12 02:45 am (UTC)