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suki_blueTitle: Getting The Hump
Fandom: Btvs/DC Comics
Pairing: Xander/Batman
Genre: Comedy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Xander and Batman go on a first date.
Beta'd by the bestest, nicest kitty in the whole wide world,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kitty_poker1!!! Whoooooo!!! I loves ya Kittycat!!!
Previous Batxan Ficlettes: HERE
The waitress placed two drinks in front of her customers. An expresso for the young guy and a Vanilla Cream Frappuccino for the guy dressed as a bat. The bat guy didn’t look very happy.
“You okay?” Xander asked Batman as the waitress wandered away.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? ‘Cos you look miserable as hell. Hard night?”
“No more so than usual.”
“Then smile, Batty.”
Batman tried lifting the corners of his lips. It was hard going, he thought, as his top lip curled up into an accidental snarl.
“Are ya smiling at me or telling me I’m prey? ‘Cos that?” Xander pointed. “Is not a welcoming face.”
“I’m…sorry. I’m not used to this.”
“Going on a date with someone?” Xander asked with a tilted head and sympathy in his voice.
“No, Frappuccinos. They’re cold. My lips have gone numb.”
“Oh. So, going for ice-cream would have been a mistake?”
“Actually, I like ice-cream.”
“Yeah? What flavour?”
“Vanilla.”
Xander rolled his eyes. “Figures.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re old. Old people always prefer vanilla.”
“And you’ve studied this, I take it?” Batman asked sarcastically.
“No. But someone so should! And was that an emotion I detected in your voice? Is sarcasm an emotion? Uh - it is now.”
“You really do talk too much.”
Xander shrugged and downed his expresso in one go. “Ouch. Hot. Waitress! Set me up, good woman!”
“I’m starting to see why.”
Xander grinned mischievously. “Sometimes I’m quiet.”
Batman drummed his fingers on the table while he waited for Xander to tell him exactly under what circumstances he was capable of being quiet.
“You gonna ask me?”
Batman sighed “Go on, then, enlighten me.”
“When I’m making out.”
Batman sat up a little straighter. “I see.”
“Demonstration? In the Batcar?”
“Batmobile.”
“Huh?”
“It’s called the Batmobile.”
“Riiiight. That’s hardly the issue here. You wanna make out or not?”
“I do,” Batman said in his most serious voice.
“Did I just ask you to marry me?” The waitress appeared and placed a second expresso in front of Xander. “Thank you.” Xander gulped it all in one go. “Ouch. Hot. Ready? I’ll let you feel me up.”
Batman stood quickly and dropped a hundred dollar bill on the table. “I’m parked right outside. The windows are tinted.”
“Hey, are you rich?!” Xander asked, as he was unceremoniously dragged out of the coffee shop. “That was some tip. You gonna tip me like that?”
Xander found him self spun and pinned against the car…er, mobile. He wasn’t sure if the expression on Batman’s face was fury or hunger. He took a chance. “Oh, you like that, do you?” he whispered. “Naughty Bat.”
Batman tipped back his head and laughed.
“Hey! That’s not allowed! That wasn’t supposed to be funny, it was supposed to be sexy!”
“It was damn funny.”
Xander crossed his arms and sulked. “Fine. If you don’t want to kiss me and touch and feel my hands all over your…mphr.”
“What’s a mphr?” Batman asked, pulling back from his sudden kiss.
“Oh, now you’re cultivating a sense of humour as well as sarcasm. Shall I just wait over here until you decide to start poking me with a stick?”
“I thought you shut up when you’re making out.”
“I do usually. You can’t be very…mphr.” The kiss caught Xander by surprise, yet again. This time Batman pulled him close - very close. Large arms wrapped around him and Xander began to breathe faster as Batman’s strong hands moved lower to squeeze his ass.
“Wow,” Xander gasped, as Batman moved his lips away to suck on his neck. “You’re not a vampire bat, are you?” he asked as an afterthought.
“Mmm?”
“Never mind.” Xander gripped Batman’s hips. He couldn’t help but grind just a little. Batman’s erection was growing fast and furiously against him, digging into his hip and making his eyes water at the thought of it going up his ass and out the other end. An image of Pinocchio popped into his head but Xander ignored it and pressed himself harder into Batman’s body.
Those lips returned again. “Shouldn’t…we…be doing this…in the car?” Xander asked, between hurried and almost frantic kisses.
“Good idea.”
It took every ounce of willpower in Xander’s body to drag himself away from Batman. He pointed at the vehicle. “Car. Door. Unlock it. Now.”
Batman wasn’t one to be told twice. He opened the car door and grabbed Xander. “I want you.”
“I noticed. Same goes. Why are we still standing on the street?”
Batman’s lips descended again and Xander was bundled into the car amidst a mass of arms and legs as they both scrambled to kiss, touch each other and somehow close the car door behind them at the same time.
“Do these seats recline?” The question was panted and barely recognisable as words from the English language.
Somehow, Batman understood. He flicked a switch and pushed them both into a horizontal position. “Better?”
“Gods, yes!” Xander wrapped all available limbs around Batman and pulled him hard against him, deliberately grinding their straining erections together.
Batman groaned and raised himself on his arms, pinning Xander’s above his head.
Xander grinned wickedly. “Knew you were kinky.”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Batman began thrusting his hips forward. He closed his eyes at the sound of the resulting moan from Xander.
“Ow! Hey, watch it with the utility belt!”
“Sorry.” In a flash the belt was gone and Batman was continuing his rhythmic grinding. He was close to the edge now, captured and enthralled by the beauty beneath him.
“Oh, god, yes. Please, Batman…please. Yes!”
“Xander…yes…so hot.”
“Yes, hot. So fucking hot. So. Fucking. Hot.”
Batman sat up and turned the car heater down. “Better?”
“Much.”
“Good.” Batman licked his lips and dived back on top of Xander. He was just about to start thinking about shedding some clothes when Xander’s hand grabbed his cock and began stroking through the fabric of his costume.
“Whoa, mmmm, how do you fit that inside your tights without an obvious bulge?”
“With difficulty. And they’re not tights,” Batman growled as he returned the favour and began stroking Xander through his cargos.
“Oh! Yes! God, yes. Please, don’t stop.”
“I couldn’t even if the Gotham City Bank was on fire.”
“Hey!” someone shouted in the distance. “The bank is on fire! The bank is on fire!”
Batman couldn’t seem to stop. “Xander! Yes!”
Their lips touched again and became a desperate battle of tongues. They groaned into each other’s mouths as their hands wandered and their hips pushed together again.
Thrusting furiously, panting, groaning, and screaming out each other’s names, they both felt the sudden build up that signalled a beautiful explosion and an embarrassingly wet splodge afterwards.
“I’m coming, Batman. I’m coming! FUCK!”
Batman held Xander tightly as he felt the boy’s body jerk and shudder against him. A second later he found himself shouting Xander’s name as he shot his load into his five thousand dollar, Teflon-treated, non-crease, insect-repelling, dry-clean only Kevlar. Alfred was not going to be pleased.
“Batman?”
“Wha?”
“Who’s that in the seat next to us?”
Speak of the devil.
TBC…
Fandom: Btvs/DC Comics
Pairing: Xander/Batman
Genre: Comedy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Xander and Batman go on a first date.
Beta'd by the bestest, nicest kitty in the whole wide world,
kitty_poker1!!! Whoooooo!!! I loves ya Kittycat!!!Previous Batxan Ficlettes: HERE
The waitress placed two drinks in front of her customers. An expresso for the young guy and a Vanilla Cream Frappuccino for the guy dressed as a bat. The bat guy didn’t look very happy.
“You okay?” Xander asked Batman as the waitress wandered away.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? ‘Cos you look miserable as hell. Hard night?”
“No more so than usual.”
“Then smile, Batty.”
Batman tried lifting the corners of his lips. It was hard going, he thought, as his top lip curled up into an accidental snarl.
“Are ya smiling at me or telling me I’m prey? ‘Cos that?” Xander pointed. “Is not a welcoming face.”
“I’m…sorry. I’m not used to this.”
“Going on a date with someone?” Xander asked with a tilted head and sympathy in his voice.
“No, Frappuccinos. They’re cold. My lips have gone numb.”
“Oh. So, going for ice-cream would have been a mistake?”
“Actually, I like ice-cream.”
“Yeah? What flavour?”
“Vanilla.”
Xander rolled his eyes. “Figures.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re old. Old people always prefer vanilla.”
“And you’ve studied this, I take it?” Batman asked sarcastically.
“No. But someone so should! And was that an emotion I detected in your voice? Is sarcasm an emotion? Uh - it is now.”
“You really do talk too much.”
Xander shrugged and downed his expresso in one go. “Ouch. Hot. Waitress! Set me up, good woman!”
“I’m starting to see why.”
Xander grinned mischievously. “Sometimes I’m quiet.”
Batman drummed his fingers on the table while he waited for Xander to tell him exactly under what circumstances he was capable of being quiet.
“You gonna ask me?”
Batman sighed “Go on, then, enlighten me.”
“When I’m making out.”
Batman sat up a little straighter. “I see.”
“Demonstration? In the Batcar?”
“Batmobile.”
“Huh?”
“It’s called the Batmobile.”
“Riiiight. That’s hardly the issue here. You wanna make out or not?”
“I do,” Batman said in his most serious voice.
“Did I just ask you to marry me?” The waitress appeared and placed a second expresso in front of Xander. “Thank you.” Xander gulped it all in one go. “Ouch. Hot. Ready? I’ll let you feel me up.”
Batman stood quickly and dropped a hundred dollar bill on the table. “I’m parked right outside. The windows are tinted.”
“Hey, are you rich?!” Xander asked, as he was unceremoniously dragged out of the coffee shop. “That was some tip. You gonna tip me like that?”
Xander found him self spun and pinned against the car…er, mobile. He wasn’t sure if the expression on Batman’s face was fury or hunger. He took a chance. “Oh, you like that, do you?” he whispered. “Naughty Bat.”
Batman tipped back his head and laughed.
“Hey! That’s not allowed! That wasn’t supposed to be funny, it was supposed to be sexy!”
“It was damn funny.”
Xander crossed his arms and sulked. “Fine. If you don’t want to kiss me and touch and feel my hands all over your…mphr.”
“What’s a mphr?” Batman asked, pulling back from his sudden kiss.
“Oh, now you’re cultivating a sense of humour as well as sarcasm. Shall I just wait over here until you decide to start poking me with a stick?”
“I thought you shut up when you’re making out.”
“I do usually. You can’t be very…mphr.” The kiss caught Xander by surprise, yet again. This time Batman pulled him close - very close. Large arms wrapped around him and Xander began to breathe faster as Batman’s strong hands moved lower to squeeze his ass.
“Wow,” Xander gasped, as Batman moved his lips away to suck on his neck. “You’re not a vampire bat, are you?” he asked as an afterthought.
“Mmm?”
“Never mind.” Xander gripped Batman’s hips. He couldn’t help but grind just a little. Batman’s erection was growing fast and furiously against him, digging into his hip and making his eyes water at the thought of it going up his ass and out the other end. An image of Pinocchio popped into his head but Xander ignored it and pressed himself harder into Batman’s body.
Those lips returned again. “Shouldn’t…we…be doing this…in the car?” Xander asked, between hurried and almost frantic kisses.
“Good idea.”
It took every ounce of willpower in Xander’s body to drag himself away from Batman. He pointed at the vehicle. “Car. Door. Unlock it. Now.”
Batman wasn’t one to be told twice. He opened the car door and grabbed Xander. “I want you.”
“I noticed. Same goes. Why are we still standing on the street?”
Batman’s lips descended again and Xander was bundled into the car amidst a mass of arms and legs as they both scrambled to kiss, touch each other and somehow close the car door behind them at the same time.
“Do these seats recline?” The question was panted and barely recognisable as words from the English language.
Somehow, Batman understood. He flicked a switch and pushed them both into a horizontal position. “Better?”
“Gods, yes!” Xander wrapped all available limbs around Batman and pulled him hard against him, deliberately grinding their straining erections together.
Batman groaned and raised himself on his arms, pinning Xander’s above his head.
Xander grinned wickedly. “Knew you were kinky.”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Batman began thrusting his hips forward. He closed his eyes at the sound of the resulting moan from Xander.
“Ow! Hey, watch it with the utility belt!”
“Sorry.” In a flash the belt was gone and Batman was continuing his rhythmic grinding. He was close to the edge now, captured and enthralled by the beauty beneath him.
“Oh, god, yes. Please, Batman…please. Yes!”
“Xander…yes…so hot.”
“Yes, hot. So fucking hot. So. Fucking. Hot.”
Batman sat up and turned the car heater down. “Better?”
“Much.”
“Good.” Batman licked his lips and dived back on top of Xander. He was just about to start thinking about shedding some clothes when Xander’s hand grabbed his cock and began stroking through the fabric of his costume.
“Whoa, mmmm, how do you fit that inside your tights without an obvious bulge?”
“With difficulty. And they’re not tights,” Batman growled as he returned the favour and began stroking Xander through his cargos.
“Oh! Yes! God, yes. Please, don’t stop.”
“I couldn’t even if the Gotham City Bank was on fire.”
“Hey!” someone shouted in the distance. “The bank is on fire! The bank is on fire!”
Batman couldn’t seem to stop. “Xander! Yes!”
Their lips touched again and became a desperate battle of tongues. They groaned into each other’s mouths as their hands wandered and their hips pushed together again.
Thrusting furiously, panting, groaning, and screaming out each other’s names, they both felt the sudden build up that signalled a beautiful explosion and an embarrassingly wet splodge afterwards.
“I’m coming, Batman. I’m coming! FUCK!”
Batman held Xander tightly as he felt the boy’s body jerk and shudder against him. A second later he found himself shouting Xander’s name as he shot his load into his five thousand dollar, Teflon-treated, non-crease, insect-repelling, dry-clean only Kevlar. Alfred was not going to be pleased.
“Batman?”
“Wha?”
“Who’s that in the seat next to us?”
Speak of the devil.
TBC…
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 11:30 am (UTC)Batman sat up and turned the car heater down. “Better?”
LMFAO!! Brilliant, sweetie. Just so, so funny and sweet and hot at the same time. Love it.
I like the new layout. Very pretty and the banner is gorgeous!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:06 pm (UTC)The layout isn't too bad. I like my banner. I can see myself changing it again soonish. I feel the need to fiddle.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 11:33 am (UTC)OH GOD THE CRACK. and the sex.
mmkay. hah, that was awesome. so awesome. go you.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:15 pm (UTC)I do love my crack. Glad you enjoyed. ;o)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 11:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 11:57 am (UTC)This made my day.
You win at life.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:17 pm (UTC)I win! Yay!! ;o)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 12:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 01:07 pm (UTC)Of that was too funny. I especially love the line about not being able to stop if the bank was on fire....
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 01:30 pm (UTC)It's official. I'm going to have more than twins for you. I think I'll have your quadruplets instead.
“I couldn’t even if the Gotham City Bank was on fire.”
“Hey!” someone shouted in the distance. “The bank is on fire! The bank is on fire!”
Batman couldn’t seem to stop.
ROTFLMFAO *dies again*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:21 pm (UTC)Thank you!!!!! MWAH!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 01:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:22 pm (UTC)Thanks, luv!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 01:54 pm (UTC)So funny!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:25 pm (UTC)Thank you!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 02:58 pm (UTC)I have to say, I found it oddly hot while writing it. I'm glad it's not just me!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 03:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 03:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 03:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-11 04:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 04:24 pm (UTC)That being said, I have to comment on this now. *giggles* I needed this after today. Thank you SO MUCH! *goes back to giggling* The car heater was inspired. Hee!
~Nebula
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-11 04:44 am (UTC)That car heater just sprung from nowhere! Glad you enjoyed, luv.
MWAH!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-10 06:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-11 04:46 am (UTC)Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-11 12:16 am (UTC)Best silly sex ever!!!!
I love this sexy and honest Xander!
and Batman going out on a date in his suit!!
*Smooch*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-11 04:48 am (UTC)~smoochies lots~
batxan - getting the hump
Date: 2006-02-11 07:00 pm (UTC)dry cleaning . . . alfred not pleased
::cat runs from hysterical laughing & knocks over the plant . . . again::
crack is so much fun.
Love the new layout ::is jealous:: the heading is especially great. you made that didn't you? ::more jealous:: someday maybe i'll get to learn how to do such things.
Re: batxan - getting the hump
Date: 2006-02-12 03:40 am (UTC)And thanks again; yup, I made the banner. I wasn't sure about it at first but it's grown on me. I don't think it'll be that long before I make another one.
Oh, it's easu to learn. Just get hold of a decent paint program and then spend months fiddling with it. That's what i did!;o)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-11 09:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 03:42 am (UTC)Thank you!! I'm so happy you enjoyed.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-11 11:22 pm (UTC)Love the way you play with words and say the old, trite things with new words. Example: sudden build up that signalled a beautiful explosion and an embarrassingly wet splodge afterwards.
I also love the snarling beacause he has cold, numb lips :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-12 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-08 04:22 pm (UTC)thank you soo much; this was soo hott!!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-10 02:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-11 08:30 pm (UTC)Bwa Ha!Ha!
These are like M&M's I really should quit eating, and save some for later, yet I can't...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-12 02:44 am (UTC)Ooohhhh M&Ms!! Don't start me on those!! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-13 06:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-13 06:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-20 04:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-20 04:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-21 06:31 am (UTC)