(no subject)

[suki_blue]

I have a small piece of advice for you all:

Never tell lies. Even white ones can come back and sock you right in the face.

I was dishonest with a friend. I told her things were okay when they weren't and I led her to believe that our friendship was special when it wasn't. I did this so that I wouldn't hurt her.

But I couldn't stand it any longer. Something snapped and I finally had to tell her that i couldn't cope with our friendship any longer. She'll get the letter any second now.

And the reason that I didn't do it face to face?

I prefer to have all my bones unbroken, thank you. I just can't cope with a friend like that.

I can't cope with the drinking and the tension and the backstabbing and 'demon voices' in her head. She's crazy and she needs to be locked up and treated.

One day I'm positive that she'll kill someone. I don't want that someone to be me.

Selfish?

You bet.

Comments

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

It was just so hard giving all this support to her. She'd had a hard life - a terrible life, if the truth be known. But it's clear to me that she'll never heal. She just won't help herself.

I did my best and I was there for her when she had the breakdown. I can't keep up that level of support and reasurrance for ever. it was like a total nightmare.

I still feel to utterly shit about it, though. I feel evil.

[cornporngirl.livejournal.com]

Trust me honey, you're not evil, if you were evil you wouldn't care at all. Sometimes you can only do so much and then it's up to the other person to help themselves from there on out, it hurts to realize that, especially if they aren't willing to accept it, but there's really nothing more you can do. *snuggles*

[suki-blue.livejournal.com]

It really does make one feel so bad to think that someone can't be helped. And also, she isn't one of my best friends. If it were my best friends, I would walk to hell and back for them.

But for her, I just can't deal. That thought makes me feel so bad and so guilty

[cornporngirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs* guilt is healthy is small doses, just don't let it eat you up.